The day I was born, the #1 song in America was Van Halen’s “Jump.” It’s not especially deep or romantic, but it’s a rockin’ song nonetheless. It feels nice knowing that the words that ushered me into the world were, “Owwww! I get up, and nothin’ gets me down… Might as well jump. Jump!”

And jump I did. Over the years I have jumped, bounded, and sprang to great heights. And I will continue to do so.

That’s why I find it so disheartening that any child who is born today will be ushered in to the world to the sound of “Irreplaceable” by Beyonce Knowles. That’s right. The current #1 song in America says, “Keep talking that mess, that’s fine. Could you walk and talk at the same time? You must not know ’bout me. You must not know ’bout me.”

Could you walk and talk at the same time? Hmmm. I can. In fact, I can even jump.

So, what do these inane, ridiculous lyrics teach us? Sadly, they teach us that the music with which we surround ourselves is getting progressively stupider and stupider with every album. And we can’t merely blame the artists for writing it – there must come a point when we need to blame ourselves as consumers for consuming it.

Remember when you were in high school and you thought back to junior high. You thought to yourself, I was so stupid back then. Now you’re in university and you’re thinking to yourself, Well, of course I thought I had it all together in high school. I was so stupid then. Even stupider than junior high.

This trend means that when you’re out in the working world, you’re going to think to yourself, Man, I was so stupid in university. Staying up till 4 a.m. So stupid. And it’s true. But do you understand what this trend means? It means that we are constantly getting dumber and dumber, while believing that we are getting smarter and smarter.

Look at the sidebar (1.) for the average stupidity stat for each decade! It’s terrible!

And that’s only fifty years of stupidity. If you live to be one hundred, you’ll probably end up burning down the White House, or trying to play volleyball, or something really stupid like that. Then you’ll be wishing for the days when the stupidest thing you did was throw a baseball through Old Man Marley’s window.

But back to music. On the following chart (2.), you’ll see the #1 songs for the past 10 years on February 7th. They’re not all stupid, but most of them are.

So, there you have it. Only the shaded sections managed to get away without ridiculous lyrics. Lesson learned: Don’t be stupid – be shaded (like Usher, Janet, Toni, and me).

*Info taken from Billboard Magazine’s HOT 100 Songs of the Year

**Polaroid issued a press release stating that shaking their pictures will damage their quality.

Age: || Stupidity:

10 Threw baseball through old man Marley’s window
20 Got drunk and crashed parents’ car
30 Cheated on spouse and began downward spiral of marriage
40 Got divorced and ruined lives of spouse/children
50 Finally screamed at boss after decades of hatred. Lost job. Ruined life.

Year:|| Song: || Artist: || Dumb Lyric:

2007 - Irreplaceable - Beyonce - I could have another you in a minute. Matter fact he’ll be here in a minute.

2006 - Check on it - Beyonce & Slim Thug - You need to stop playin’ ’round with all them clowns and the wangstas. Good girls gotta get down with them gangstas.

2005 - Let Me Love You - Mario - Mmmm….. Mmmmm…. Yeah…. Mmmmm….Yeah, Yeah, Yeah Mmmm…

2004 - Hey Ya! - OutKast - Shh you got to, shake it, shh shake it, shake it, got to shake it (Shake it Suga’) shake it like a Polaroid Picture.*

2003 - Bump, Bump, Bump - B2K & P. Diddy - Love when she dance to the music. Make me wanna stand like a pool stick. Bump that. I pump that.

2002 - U Got it Bad - Usher - N/A

2001 - It Wasn’t Me - Shaggy - Honey came in and she caught me red-handed. Creeping with the girl next door. Picture this, we were both butt naked. Bangin’ on the bathroom floor.

2000 - I Knew I Loved You - Savage Garden - I knew I loved you before I met you. I think I dreamed you into life.

1999 - Baby One More Time - Britney Spears - When I’m not with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign. Hit me baby one more time!

1998 - Together Again - Janet - N/A

1997 - Un-Break My Heart - Toni Braxton - N/A