A lesson on apathy
A lesson from Chris Nash
March 12, 2008
Chris Nash
So, when the editor approached me to write an article on apathy, I said, “Sure. Why not?” But now that the article is three days late, and it’s time to actually write the thing, I remember exactly “why not”: I don’t wanna. But now it’s crunch time and I have to race to write an article on apathy that I don’t want to write. Talk about irony.
So, what do you guys wanna talk about? How are classes going? Are you seeing anyone?
The question, “How are classes going?” Ugh. That’s a perfect example of an apathetic question. If I’ve ever asked you how your classes are going, rest assured that I probably didn’t care. It’s no personal offence to you, but if I don’t care how my own classes are going, there’s just no way that I care about yours.
And “Are you seeing anyone?” Ugh. Ugh. I would only ask that if I was interested in seeing you. And I’m not. One time I asked Haley Joel Osment if he was seeing anyone. He said, “I see dead people.” And I said, “Ew! That’s against the law, you little necrophile.” I tried to grab him, but he got away.
By this time you may have realized what the point of my article is: meh. As a journalist, you always have to write the puff piece or the sob story or the exposé. It’s nice to be able to just write a “meh” from time to time. One cheer for apathy. Yay.
If you ever see me around campus, it is likely that I will be doing something manic and outrageous. I may be screaming happily or chasing a bunny angrily. Don’t let this display of emotions fool you: I am really very troubled and brooding underneath. And why shouldn’t I be? I’ve been here for five long years (two of which have been leap years, making them longer than ever). I feel I’m entitled to some apathy.
I have added a list of things toward which I feel a sense of apathy. This isn’t to say I hate these things – that would require too much passion – I could simply do without them.
1. Formal education
2. Bees
3. “That’s what she said.”
4. John Voth
5. Quebecois
6. Fear
7. One-ply toilet paper
8. Hyperbole
9. Plane crashes
10. Television shows about doctors
All that to say, I am growing more apathetic every day. Underneath, you will find a timeline of my years here at TWU. I used to be happy. I used to care. Now I can’t even muster the energy to cry about my crippling loneliness. Also, at one point, I had a half-beard.
So there it is, my friends: testimony from a man-boy who has run the race himself. Once I graduate from this place and go out into the real world, I may find myself forced to care. I may have to start loving my neighbour and taking care of the environment and paying attention to the world around me. Or I could just move to the States.
Now you go...
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