“Hi, how are y—”

Posted by admin on Nov 3, 2009 in Academy | 0 comments

We are eternal souls, longing for communion with God and others. Our bodies serve as vehicles, carrying our thirsty souls into a quenching community during our earthly sojourn. There is jubilation when two souls meet; an exultation climaxing in the spoken word. “The Lord be with you!” one exclaims. “And also with you!” replies the other, in a greeting of antiquity.

Or perhaps the elated souls prefer the Western culture’s greeting of choice. Upon reuniting, modern souls voice an ephemeral, “Hey, how’s it going?” followed by an equally ephemeral “Fine, thanks.” And with that, the souls part ways.

This modern greeting has many variations and its many forms are prevalent on Trinity Western University’s campus. I would suggest that our greetings are less sincere queries and more rituals performed out of different social obligations.

Theory one:
An underlying fear in approaching a conversation is that the mood will somehow be inappropriate. Asking a person how they are doing should reveal any emotional barriers or extraordinary circumstances which need to be accounted for in the conversation.

Imagine, for example, that I see a friend from across the cafeteria and excitedly run up to her. Without prefacing my words with a customary greeting, I breathlessly share my excitement about securing that ever-coveted ring by spring. I immediately start talking about guest lists and colour schemes, completely unaware that my friend’s brother was in a serious car accident that morning.
This could all be avoided by the simple greeting, “Hi, how are you?” which acts as a safeguard against uncomfortable discrepancies between the mood of the people and the tone of
the conversation.

Theory two:
Another reason we recite greetings is to express care or concern for someone. By focusing the initial attention on the other person, the greeter has shown his or her desire to be others-centred, as opposed to self-centred.

Giving this impression is crucial (especially in the casual relationships that commonly merit these greetings,) because both parties are trying to sense the others’ values and personality to decide if the friendship is worth investing in.

I have felt the pressure of this social obligation. Often my casual meetings consist only of a wave and smile or a “Hello” and I sometimes see those whom I greet pause for the expected “How have you been?”

As I hurry on to class, I feel a pang of self-centred guilt and wonder if they think any less of me for not asking. Perhaps they do, as this typical greeting comprises the extent of the caring quota required for today’s casual relationships.

Theory three:
On the other side of the exchange comes the stock answer to the customary greeting. “I’m good,” you say on a great day; “I’m surviving,” or “I’m okay,” you say on the worst day of your life. I credit these fibs to considerations of brevity and utility.

At the quick pace in which many greetings are exchanged, launching into a polemic regarding your current concerns on a hot political issue would be both impossible and inconsiderate.

At least two people are involved in each conversation, so one must bear in mind that a greeting may have been extended with no intent of receiving an answer.

Many casual acquaintances may never develop further, and so it can even be counter-productive to share your inner feelings with everyone who asks. Simply put, short and sweet is the consensus when it comes to explaining “what’s up.

The greetings so common to TWU’s student body aren’t what they seem. The risks of speaking into inappropriate contexts, appearing self-centred, and coming on too long and strong pressure us into our social greeting rituals. So the next time someone greets you with a casual, “How are you?” without even stopping to hear your answer, mutter quietly (or even declare aloud), “I’m obligated, thanks. As are you.”