American iced tea

Posted by admin on Jan 19, 2010 in Academy | 1 comment

Editor’s Note: Any national tensions present in this article can be settled at the Can-Am Hockey Game

Natives of Canada, I have found the source of your difficulty pronouncing ‘out’ and other such ‘ou’ words. It’s that battery acid-based expectorant you call iced tea. We in the United States also have a liquid called iced tea, but there are several differences between the Canadian and Yankee variety.

First of all, American iced tea is a beverage meant to quench thirst and please the taste buds, while Canadian iced tea is used to strip rust and lead paint.

Secondly, American iced tea is brewed from actual tea leaves, while Canadian iced tea is a careful combination of the aforementioned battery acid and powdered buffalo turd, (the ‘t’ in turd is from where the Canadian title ‘tea’ originates).

There is one similarity that was alluded to earlier: both Canadian and American iced teas have an accent altering affect. The Canadian version will have you crowing, “Get that ow-oot of my mow-ooth!” while the American version will have you chirping, “I do declare, what a sweet land of liber-tea we drink to.”

Daddy’s Delight Sweetened Iced Tea
Makes 1 gallon of thirst-quenching tea
-12 bags of Tetley or Red Rose tea (avoid Lipton!)
-1 cup of sugar (or 20 “baglets” of Splenda)

Place tea bags in filter basket of coffee maker and run 12 cups of cold water through (you can make it on the stove with a gallon pot of water). Add sugar to tea while warm, then add cold water or ice until it makes a full gallon of tea.

It is best to wait until tea has cooled before serving; the sweetness of the sugar seems to take a while to come out.