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Sex-Ed-amphetamine
Doctor Government: “You are very ill, Public.”
Patient Public: “But I feel fine!”
For the relief of individualism and the common prejudices against different beliefs about sexual practices.
Tamper-evident: do not use if carton shows any signs of Christianity.
Use exactly as directed. Do not skip doses or discontinue use unless directed by your doctor.
Uses: Temporarily relieves inclinations of:
- individualism
- intolerance
- freedom of thought
Increases desire to be treated as mass society.
Helps loosen passion for principles to make conformity more effective.
When using this product: take with naiveté if mental upset occurs.
Stop use and ask Doctor if: you begin experiencing symptoms of thought not derived from public opinion.
Other Information: Store in thought-controlled environment. Avoid excessive disagreement.
Active Ingredients: 200 mg big government, 100 mg Protestant guilt, 175 mg capitalism, 30 mg media
Inactive Ingredients: comfort, order, safety, complacency, conformity
This product is manufactured and distributed by Western World Unlimited.
Gov’t: “You may think so, but the worst illnesses are the ones we can’t see! I’m going to recommend some treatment. Just some easy-to-swallow pills, nothing uncomfortable.”
Public: “Alright. But what’s wrong? Is it real bad?”
Gov’t: “Well, Public, it’s quite serious if left untreated. You’ve got a case of prejudice and, without doing what I say, you could become a Nazi.”
Public: “Whoa! I’m glad you’re here to help me, Doc.”
Gov’t: “I help a lot of people, Public. Everyone is born with prejudices. This prescription I’m giving you won’t get rid of them completely. Prejudice lasts forever, but this treatment will keep it in check. Hey, you wouldn’t happen to be a Christian, would you?”
Public: “Jesus is alright. He can make sick people better, kind of like you. Why? Am I gonna be real sick?”
Gov’t: “Oh, it’s not that. The pills I’m prescribing are most effective when taken without the side effects of Christianity interfering. I think you’d better stop reading your comic Bible and pretending to be like Him for a while, okay?”
Public: “Alright.”
[Public and his mom are reading the labels on the prescribed drugs. One of the packages says the following:]
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