The Bargainhunterz vs: the ultimate deal
In this “Last Issue Ever,” the suits at Mars’ Hill have instructed us to write some sort of survival guide to the world’s end. However, as bargain hunters we could not abide by this. We stocked up on Polish spam from McFrugals, so we’re good.
Andy Hatz
Instead, we have uncovered the ultimate bargain for you. Imagine if you will, a building that contains the sum of the world’s knowledge (much like Wikipedia, but you can cite it), situated in your own backyard.
Welcome to your local library.
The localest of the local libraries would be our very own Norma Marion Alloway, with three spacious floors endowed with well over 1200 books covering subjects ranging from things like basketball to beards (also, snakes). What the Illuminati at the bookstore don’t want you to know is that all of your required textbooks are available via a visit to the Norma Marion Alloway, for just the price of tuition. For the bargain hunter who is looking to travel further afield, Fraser Valley Regional Library has 24 fine branches in the area; contrary to popular belief, these libraries contain not just sleeping vagrants, but also a wealth of free media.
To experiment with this thing called “journalism,” we interviewed 3rd year student, circulation assistant, and wolf enthusiast Ashley Kilian, who encouraged “frequent use of the libraries that your parents’ taxes pay for.” If you’re still into physical media (what are you, Amish?) then you can take out new release DVDs and CDs as well as those piles of papers they call “books.” Upon further investigation, the circulation assistants, whom you can also take out, are unfortunately not free (and not on three-week loan).
While the world might not be ending, this may be our last issue ever (please don’t fire us Chelsea/Jason we need this gig).
<3
Kirk+Andy
P.S. Give a hoot, read a book.
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