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Catch the ball!
Remember when Ultimate Frisbee was the coolest game on campus?
I don’t. Ultimate Frisbee is lame.
Fortunately, there’s a new game taking the TWU campus by storm. It is simply called Catch the Ball.
When I tell people about Catch the Ball, they always seem to reply with the same stupid question: how do you play? The answer is very simple: you must catch the ball. I have played a myriad of organized sports in my 23 years, and I swear to you, with our Creator God as my witness, I have never witnessed a greater game.
Catch the Ball was created by the Egyptians in 785AD, under the watchful supervision of Moussa Ibn Musab al-Khatami himself (look him up, he’s real). The original rules called for a player to be murdered if he made an error, but the number of able-bodied quickly began to dwindle. Moussa Ibn Musab al-Khatami was wise, however, and he realized that he had an endless supply of sand at his disposal. So instead of killing players, he simply heated the sand into glass and whipped players for their blunders. The ground was red with blood.
The modern rules are far more lenient than their inaugural counterparts – if a player drops the ball, he must be referred to as “Hagrid,” and he becomes the thrower until a different player screws up. No murder, no mess. But someone still drips blood during every game (honestly).
Slow Sarah When a player refuses to give 111%
Show-off Sean When a foolish player drops the ball while trying to show off
Catching Brings Healing All players chant this slogan loudly when a player is injured
Poss & Imposs A close play is deemed either “poss” or “imposs,” depending on whether or not the ball was catchable
Direct When the ball strikes a player directly in a sensitive area before he can react
Sad Sally When a player continually misses the ball, falling down in a pathetic heap
Every Dive When the game lacks intensity, this rule is instituted. When it is in effect, at least one player must dive horizontally for every single ball thrown
Stupid Stefan When a player lacks the sufficient skill to play without embarrassing himself
Trinity is still coming into its own as a Catch the Ball forum. There are still wrinkles to be smoothed and lessons to be learned. Many things have been broken since the game made its way to TWU. Furthermore, the game has struggled to find its identity. But as long as we follow the examples of the Egyptians and the French by putting this game on a pedestal slightly underneath God’s, then we are doing a good thing.
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