Can-am all sizzle, no steak
July 4, 2005
Ben Auger
I made a wager on last year’s Can-Am game with my now-girlfriend. The bet was: if I win (betting on the Americans), she has to watch a movie with me – my choice. I’ll make this long story short. I won, and made her watch a horror flick. She got mad, didn’t talk to me, and 11 months later we’re dating … all thanks to my winning wager.
Rumour had it that the Americans never lose, so I thought I’d fancy another wager on this year’s game. But then I saw flyers announcing tryouts for the Canadian girls’ team.
“Tryouts!? Something’s fishy here,” I thought. “It seems that the girls are trying to win this year.” I smelled a set-up. A little voice in my head was telling me I shouldn’t gamble my relationship on this year’s Can-Am game. The risk was too great. The girls were too good. The guys were too American. Sammy Vickstein was captain. Nuff said.
And we all know why there were tryouts. Cause the Canadians hadn’t won in 45 years (or was it 4-5?). The field of play needed balance, and perhaps tryouts were an attempt to achieve that.
The pendulum swung too far in the other direction though. It was fun watching the Americans flop like penguins off a diving board. But pretty soon I was more frustrated than a Mexican watching curling. The Can-Am game was completely one-sided.
The Canadian girls rocked. With student athletes and seasoned skaters, they scored at will. Meanwhile the American guys had wet underwear from sitting on the ice all evening. Shots on goal were scarce. They ran no formations. Pathetically, they scored one goal from in front of the blue line.
The Can-Am game has come a long way thanks to the hard work of student volunteers such was Simon Moore. This year’s game was corporate-sponsored and ambulance free, but there’s still some room for improvement.
For starters, let’s print the Canadian team’s weight in the program. It’s not fair that only the Americans have to reveal that information. And next year, let’s turn the mic on for the American National Anthem.
I’m not certain whether organizers were trying to create a Canadian slaughter or balance, but if they want the latter, then perhaps the Americans should have tryouts. I don’t think the Americans should have the best talent possible, but they should have the chance to choose a few skaters for the team so the coaches don’t have to put on pads and play, just to keep the game from getting out of hand.
Some final thoughts:
- Thank goodness at least half the players on the ice (the Canadians) knew how to play hockey.
- Whoever thought of throwing candy to the crowd should be involved in the space program. That was genius.
- I really enjoy showing up on time at 9:30 for a 10:15 opening face-off (not).
- I don’t know about you guys, but I feel really bad that nobody at the Can-Am game is going to buy a
boat. Don’t our sponsors know that we’re poor college students? Maybe if I wasn’t giving all my cash to tsu-
nami relief, I’d consider a boat purchase.
- It’s amazing that a dry event can attract that many rowdy and hardcore fans. God bless Trinity.
Now you go...
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