Healing after pornography

Posted by admin on Nov 4, 2008 in Community | 1 comment

“Pornography is like a euphoria of emotional happiness, but afterwards you despise it,” says one Trinity Western University student, who asked not to be named. “It is so perfect and beautiful at one level, but then again it’s so dirty and revolting at another level,” he said. “Every time [afterwards] you realize what you’ve just done, that was someone’s daughter, someone’s girlfriend, someone’s wife. Adultery, that’s what it is.”

His reasons for beginning the addiction were common: “I was very depressed, very alone and very much sixteen. It sort of satisfies this lack of, and a longing for, intimacy.”

But in the end, pornography didn’t satisfy his needs. “I would ask myself, ‘How long is this going to go on for?’ and, ‘How long am I going to continue doing this?’ Every time, I’d ask myself ‘Is this the last time?’”

“Pornography and the Restoration of Souls” was a two-part series in chapel Oct. 8 and 9. The speaker, Mike Cusick, is the founder and president of Restoring the Soul, an organization that counsels Christian leaders in times of brokenness.

Cusick himself had a similar struggle as the TWU student. He shared about being a Christian leader while secretly struggling with pornography addiction and a compulsion to act sexually outside of his marriage. “I had this great external image but on the inside, there was a very different reality,” Cusick said.

“Deep brokenness creates two things: deep wounding and the feeling of ‘I can’t let anyone see this part of me,” Cusick said, adding, “That’s why I went into hiding. And that’s what so many people do,” he said. “In Christian leadership that’s kind of what is expected.”

“When people become Christians a lot of what they’re taught is ‘I need to be good,’” he said. “And therefore, if my life has cracks in it, or flaws in it, or if I have certain struggles, that must mean that I’m not a good Christian and that’s just contrary to the Gospel.”

“My personal passion is to take the reality of the gospel and connect it with the reality of our lives, not what our lives should be, but what our lives are,” Cusick explained. “If the messiness, complexity, pain and wounding in our lives cannot be deeply touched by the gospel over a long-term process, then it’s no gospel at all.”

Cusick leads just one of the many ministries attempting to help Christians overcome porn addiction, and his talk was the catalyst for change for the TWU student. “The biggest factor in stopping [my viewing of pornography] was Mike coming over and talking,” he said. “It’s not great dealing with something, but you’re going to come out stronger for it, I can use it to help others now.”