Reputation or character

Posted by admin on Oct 21, 2008 in Community | 0 comments

Trinity Western University kids seem perfect. No one struggles, no one sleeps around and no one gets drunk. If they do, we drag them out, gossip about them and place ourselves further up on the Christian pedestal. That’s what makes this game so dangerous. If you struggle, you’d better keep quiet about it. There’s nothing worse than struggling in public, especially around those that feed on it.

Look closely, though, and you can see that TWU kids aren’t perfect. If we’re honest we could probably admit to having gone too far in relationships, drank alcohol and more. The less “rebellious” amongst us might struggle with arrogance, selfishness or swearing.

Reputations are precious. A good one can earn you the benefit of the doubt, respect and a hefty dose of spiritual props. A bad one can make you the subject of gossip, interrogations and “prayer requests.”

Last year I guarded my reputation carefully. I confronted everyone who said something bad about me and I was “righteously” indignant every time someone was even slightly off or misinformed about me.

In all the hustle to protect our reputations, we tend to forget our character. If we loosen up the hold on our reputations and just live, people might see that we’re human, with flaws and struggles. It’s worth it to let go. I think that most people have a fear that something is wrong with them, that they are somehow worse than others. Guess what: “no temptation has overtaken you except that which is common to man.” Translation: we all struggle with the same things. You won’t shock anyone with your “badness.”

People get scared that no one will like them if they are honest. I’ve found that it’s just the opposite. The people I am closest to know my gory details and I know theirs. Instead of standing far off and judging one other, we became closer, united in love and understanding. Sure, sometimes our problems were different or varied in intensity, but at the core we did things we shouldn’t have and we needed someone to listen and love us while we figured it out.

My friends and I willingly told each other things. We were upfront, explaining why and how. The people who are chastised the most are those who are caught doing something bad. Then the story is: “He did that? But I thought he was such a great Christian!” This usually happens when they are more focused on their reputation than their character and eventually they slip and the truth comes out.

Change starts with honesty and openness. Explain yourself. When people talk about you, talk to them back. Don’t just yell at them for saying something bad about you. Grow deeper with that person and share your side of the story. Instead of letting someone get away with gossiping about you, try not letting anyone get away without knowing you – knowing that you are someone who is struggling but aiming to be more Christ-like.

If you’re the other person, the one that hears the gossip, try something new. Instead of sharing a story of another “supposedly good Christian gone bad,” look at them as more like yourself. You struggle too. If it’s hard to understand why they’re like that, ask for their side of the story. Help figure out what they’re thinking, spur them towards Christ. Let’s be courageous and loving, turning our hearts upward.