Eros Heroes
June 9, 2005
Dear Eros Heroes,
Senior Panic is like dating a girl with one leg. You can pretend it won’t get to you, but it will, and that’s just the way it is. So in the midst of Spring Fever, I found this girl that I totally like, and she likes me too. We want to start dating, but things won’t be official until I call her dad (who is likely a gun-owner) and ask his permission. What should/shouldn’t I say to her dad?
Nervous!
PS: This girl has two legs.
Dear Nervous,
In a situation like this, there is really only one question to ask yourself.
WWJD? What would Josh do? I think we all know which Josh [Harris] I’m talking about. In his book, 25 Steps to Discussing Courtship with Your Potential Mate’s Father, Josh gives some great advice that you may find helpful. Here are some excerpts:
“1. Do not use the word ‘hot.’ Not even in reference to the weather. Just don’t use it.
“4. Honesty is a good idea, just be careful how far you take it. Comments
like, ‘I may be poor, but that just means you and I can get to know each other better when Betty and I move in with you this summer!’ are funny to everyone but your potential father in law.
“13. Do not ask him how it’s going or what he does for a living or how the family is. Fathers see right through this. He will figure out very quickly why you are calling, and the sooner it’s over with, the better it is— for both of you.
“19. Considering you are calling Betty’s dad at all, it may be a good move to say you are interested in courting Betty instead of dating her. This blatant lie will get you so many brownie points, it’s ridiculous. Tell him that up until this point, you have kissed dating goodbye. If you don’t play the courtship card, do something to ensure him that you did not just break up with your 16th girlfriend last weekend and already have your eye on lucky number 18.
“23. If you are going to talk about anything, make it about the few credible things you have to say about yourself. Like the fact that you own a car, or a gun, or how much you love sports and church, or that you don’t have long hair.”
I hope Reverend Josh will prove to be of service to you.
Happy Most Enjoyable Phone Conversation of Your Life.
Dr. Day
Nervous,
Am I the only one who had a minor seizure when he read that you have to ask your girlfriend’s father for her hand in DATING? Guh?
I haven’t said this in a long time, but here goes nothing. . . When it comes to the dating world, some Christians are nutballs. I’m sorry, but where in the Bible does it say, “Thou requireth a grown woman’s father’s permission to take her out to Moxie’s for potato skins and spinach dip?” For the answer to this question, see the next sentence. Nowhere.
I wrote a short play about how you should interact with your potential
girlfriend’s father. You will be playing the part of “Whipped Guy.”
Whipped Guy Tries to Impress Girlfriend’s Overprotective Father: A Play in One Act
Father: So I hear you want to date my daughter.
Whipped Guy: Yes, that’s right. (pause)
Father: Well, are you going to ask for my permission?
Whipped Guy: What? No way. I want to take her out for a steak. Why do I need your permission for that? I’ll talk to you when I want to marry her and get her pregnant. But for now, why don’t you quit worrying about “Daddy’s Little Princess” and get a life?
Father: You’re right. Asking my permission is a ridiculous request. Boy, do I head a really lame family or what? Why do you even want to date my daughter if she’s asking you to get my permission for dating? That seems insane.
Whipped Guy: Good point. I better cut my losses now and bail on you legalistic, religious nutjobs for good.
Father: I’m sorry we’re such incredible losers. Good luck finding someone less crazy. Now I’m going to play with my guns because I’m a creepy American who is using his guns as a form of overcompensation.
Then I’m going to drive around in my Hummer.
The End
The saddest thing about this situation is that this isn’t the first time I’ve heard someone talking about asking a father for the right to date his daughter. Seriously, that’s insanity. If my girlfriend made me talk to her father before I dated her, I’d say, “Um, I’m sorry, girly, but . . .” Then I would drive far, far away. I suggest you do the same.
Carson
Now you go...
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