The power of pursuit

Posted by Meray Youssef on Jan 26, 2012 in Featured Articles | 3 comments

For many of you, new years resolutions have become nothing but a mere opportunity for you to publicize your future tragic failure in your hopeless attempt to accomplish particular goals. These broken resolutions eventually propel you into an endless cycle of feeling worthless and hopeless. Despite your history with new years resolutions, when focused on the goal, the failure can serve as a humble platform on which something can eventually be accomplished.    

Photo Credit: Tim Andries

We were sitting in the Moxies lounge sipping on wine when my friend—let’s call her Carla— dropped a huge bomb.  She began to express the ongoing internal separation that her and her husband have developed over the past two years. This continual struggle of how to make her marriage work was overwhelming her. Carla had done everything in her power to redeem her marriage—or at least she thought she had. After seeing many marriage counselors, receiving guidance from church elders and close friends, Carla came to me for advice; a mere fourth year Psychology student whose longest relationship lasted a whopping nine months.

We have all experienced the helplessness of failure, whether it is in the form of a broken marriage, a low GPA, attempting to be healthy or lose weight, or maintain sanity in a dysfunctional family. We eventually hit a static wall that separates our current state from experiencing accomplishment or a sense of wholeness.  This static wall is what discourages us from achieving our resolutions of quitting smoking, increasing our GPA, running four days a week, or connecting with God.  It is when we hit this wall that we feel stuck and incapable.

“He constantly does things that irritate me.  He knows I get so frustrated when he comes home for dinner late and he continually comes an hour late without even phoning and letting me know.  It’s as if we are roommates.  We are two best friends living together.”

For some strange reason, what she said did not surprise me in the least.  “Of course you feel like roommates,” I replied.  “It’s only natural for two people who get along, who see each other every day and have for the past 8 years to hit a wall where they have both got just a little too comfortable. I think you two have stopped pursuing one another.”

We often become passive with our current circumstances—often with the things that matter most. We give up when we hit the static wall, and deem ourselves incapable, or unsuited for the task. This wall does not need to cripple us from achieving our goals. Pursue God, and He will draw closer to you.  Add two hours to your studying time everyday, and your GPA will increase.  Be selfless in your friendships, and pursue those who you love and I can promise that your friendships will develop in a deeper way. Pursue your goals and you will achieve them.

Six months later, I eagerly met with Carla to get an update on her marriage. To my surprise, Carla and her husband redeemed their marriage.  Carla began to pursue her husband.  She figured out his love language, which is affection, and kicked down the static wall by being affectionate with him, even when it was uncomfortable for her.

Take the time to write out your goals.  Only this time, include the obstacles that may arise along your journey.
 
Make a commitment to yourself that even when these obstacles appear, you will continue to be faithful to the promise you have made to yourself at the beginning of the year. Failure is inevitable in human nature; it is what you do when you fail that speaks of your character. The year 2012 will lend many chances to overcome, pursue what is good and true, even when it gets difficult and perhaps a bit uncomfortable. As the prosaic cliché goes: no pain, no gain.  Put in the effort, and you will see results.

Meray Youssef