Just now I was working on some subversive article for Mars’ Hill about how community is a myth or whatever, when a TWU administrator descended from on Upper Reimer high to peer over my shoulder and scrutinize my work. I would be more concerned if this doesn’t happen every week. Now I just quickly throw open a blank document and start typing Christian platitudes. This usually appeases them. Sometimes I have to write them in a more TWU-specific way, when they seem especially agitated. Judging from the hand clenching on my shoulder right now, that might be necessary today. So, I’ll just start writing slogans now until he goes away.

 

An administrative claw descends upon the editorial shoulder.
An administrative claw descends upon the editorial shoulder.
I Love This Place and every single thing about it without any exception, because I never really think about it. We Are everything Student Life wants us to be, and nothing more. The Mars’ Hill has become a pit of biased, liberal trash where orthodoxy goes to die. This is true, because De-Classifieds are always true. Called to Calling, Committed to Commitment—what, you don’t recognize this one? It’s a clarified version of the TWU theme for this year.

 

It looks like this is working. He seems to be loosening his grip. My shoulder feels slightly dislocated, but it’s totally worth it. He says that he’s glad I’m only writing positive, Christian things about TWU community now, because that isn’t censorship. Sometimes, when I start thinking that it actually might be censorship, I just repress the thought. After all, we’re just trying to be nice to each other because that is the Christian thing to do. Sometimes doing that just involves ignoring serious infringements on press freedom. It’s not a big deal—they have closed-door meetings about this all the time! I’m not sure why I’m never invited to those, but hey—that’s totally at their discretion. I’ll keep typing away about my Christian humility and the evils of the big, bad secular world, and give it a nice brush-stroke title and fitting Bible verse.

 

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