Sweatpant Rant

Posted by Ashley Kilian on Nov 15, 2011 in Humour | 0 comments

Dear not-so-innocent men and/or boys of Trinity Western University,

Please allow me to take this opportunity to knock you off your fashion-pedestals. Just because the clothing gods do not make yoga pants for men (praise the Lord), doesn’t mean you’re off the hook.

Before there were yoga pants, there were sweatpants—the least form fitting of two evils. Traditionally, sweatpants were worn for exercising, and for leisurewear within the home. If you are male, and your sweatpants are saved for either of these activities (or not at all), I applaud you.

A word of advice: Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. And I mean this with regards to the elastic waistband on sweatpants. Yes, it is much easier to fit your hands in pants with a stretchy waistband, but please, for the love of God, spare us.

The thing with sweatpants is that even though they may not be made of spandex, or happen to be tight in all the wrong places, they are just as revealing as yoga pants—or even more so—by being loose in all the wrong places. Some things just shouldn’t be given that much freedom.

The point here is not that sweatpants are sloppy (though we all know they are). It’s just that men in sweatpants is the male equivalent of an old woman without a bra—you can’t help but look, and then immediately wish you hadn’t. We all know what lies between your thighs, and if we wanted to see it, you would know. Women aren’t the only ones to blame for public indecency. Take a look in the mirror, boys.

Ashley Kilian