By Cathy Shields
To study a city slicker, we must first determine where to find one. City slickers are seen most often in small herds, frequenting centre tables at the Trinity Western University cafeteria or couch squares in the Atrium. A slicker’s herd mentality is something solidified in their youth, when fierce competition within a large population makes group formation essential to survival. Observe the city slicker carefully and note the careful balance of group interaction and social media platforming. A true city slicker is not restricted to one form of social media—in fact, the three essential social media platforms include Facebook (for family and large group interactions), Instagram (for sharing strangely-coloured photographs of random facets of life), and Snapchat (the real purpose of which has yet to be puzzled out by this particular observer).
An adventurous city slicker will also have a blogging platform, but will rarely admit to such, especially if said blog is found on Tumblr. On a related note, a city slicker’s greatest fear is either a cell phone at one percent battery or disconnect from the Internet, both of which occur during a campus-wide power outage. An interesting quirk of a common city slicker is a failure to recognize the greatness of duct tape. City slickers also do not realize that “combine” is a noun as well as a verb. However, the outside signs of a city slicker can also be affected by a well-adapted country bumpkin. The true test is an easy one, requiring only one statement: “So, Trinity’s a pretty rural place, eh?” Agreement indicates that you have found yourself a city slicker. If they laugh at you and proceed to name all thirty-two residents of their hometown, you have instead discovered a ruralite. But don’t worry—I’m sure you can find a city slicker around here somewhere.