A few things to consider

Posted by admin on Nov 18, 2009 in Issues & Ideas | 0 comments

The issue of the morality of masturbation is by no means a black and white issue. The “do’s and don’ts” approach has a miserably high failure rate and only leads to unnecessary guilt and shame. In light of this dilemma, as Christians we need to move outside the walls of legalism and into the heart and mind of the God whom we serve. Rosenau and Tan give this suggestion: “A more Christ-like reply [to masturbation] might be, ‘How is masturbation affecting [our] relationships? What are the deeper heart and God issues? Are [we] lusting, lazy, avoiding intimacy, feeding an addiction?’ Christians need to go deeper into God’s character and the heart of issues, and then work inside out.”

When we get caught up in the morality of masturbation we don’t see these deeper, heart issues. Take lust, for example. If you go beyond just masturbation and add pornography, then the real issue here isn’t the act of masturbating but the fact that you are using a person merely as an object to satisfy your desires. Kwee et al. suggest that when pornography is used as stimuli for masturbation “fantasy and pornography become so intertwined that for the young man struggling with compulsive masturbation, the difference between appropriate desire and lust-fuelled fantasy is far from clear.”

Some would even propose that there is a difference between lust and healthy sexual fantasy. For example, in “Toward a masturbation ethic” Sanford suggests that if one chooses to fantasize, one must ask two important questions: “Do my fantasies depict healthy heterosexual relationships?” and “What impact will my fantasies have on my current and future relationships?

A closely related issue to lust is that of intimacy. As Rosenau and Tan put it, “Sexuality is [God’s] grand metaphor for intimacy and loving connection.” However, masturbation in its essence has the capacity to constrain intimacy in interpersonal relationships. A person who wants to avoid true intimacy can use masturbation along with pornography or inappropriate sexual fantasy in order to get the pleasure without the attachment of true relationship.

However, the real issue here is not the act of masturbating but the fact that the person is avoiding intimacy as God’s ideal for relationship. If a person is having issues with intimacy then we need to address this fact first before dealing with the action itself. For example, maybe the person needs to learn how to enjoy relationships with the opposite sex without focusing on erotic interaction. Rosenau and Tan write, “Gender enjoyment can help meet single intimacy needs, and it is a foundation for successful courtship and marriage.”

Another deeper issue to consider is that of sexual addiction. When dealing with masturbation as a form of sexual addiction it is important to distinguish between addiction and compulsion. Kwee et al. suggest that “[m]any Christian college men who are distressed by masturbation attempt to resolve their guilt by intensifying their efforts to completely stop mastrubation…that becomes just as driven as the urge to masturbate, leading to a vicious positive feedback cycle that reinforces rather than eradicates masturbation.” Later in the article, they distinguish this compulsion to masturbate from an addiction: “Because addiction is a process rooted in emotional dysregulation, sex addiction is a valid concept when people depend on sexual behavior to regulate mood state.”

Now I hope that no one reading this article mistakes it for my own opinion. I have tried as best I could to take a more informative approach to the issue of masturbation in hopes that it may spark some dialogue amongst the students of TWU. These issues are by no means small and I have merely scratched the surface of them here. But if there is any hope of moving away from a legalistic approach and getting to the heart of the issue I think getting it out in the open and talking about it is the first step.