Buy nothing? Nah, buy everything!

Posted by admin on Dec 5, 2007 in Issues & Ideas | 0 comments

Let me tell you about one of my favourite days of the year and the reasons for it being such. This particular day ranks itself among one of the greatest days that mankind has ever been privy to experience. Yes, Christmas is important, with the birth of little baby Jesus and all; Easter, sure why not, it’s important too; St. Patrick’s Day, c’mon, now we’re just splitting hairs. Anyway back to the topic. By now you’re wondering what sort of power such a day could hold over mankind. Well, let me tell you. It’s a day people lovingly refer to as “Black Friday;” it’s none other than the day after Thanksgiving. On Black Friday mankind sets aside their cultural/social/racial/sexist differences and come together to engage in the age old tradition: shopping like hell.

However, there has recently been a movement that would like to bring down this beloved tradition that has been going strong for the last 30 to 40 years. This movement, known as Buy Nothing Day, would love nothing more than to shut us down and burn every building over three stories to the ground. This movement goes against the Scripture proven mandate to go forth and shop as Ephesians 5:16 says: “Making the very most of the time [buying up each opportunity], because the days are evil.” If this isn’t telling us to unite as one and get the best deal possible at Best Buy, I don’t know what it is saying. Heck, if these days are evil, I’ll be damned if you don’t find me at the head of the line at 5:30 a.m. ready to plow my fellow man down for the last Nintendo Wii or Guitar Hero 8.3.

The good news is that a group of true patriots have put together a little counter campaign known as “Buy Everything Day.” It’s essentially the complete opposite of Buy Nothing Day. The goal of B.E.D. is simple; help all of those conflicted souls realize that they simply need “light-up Barbies” and “tickle-me-silly Ninja Turtles.” When all is said and done, it’s not about wanting it’s about survival. I could watch Beanie Babies vs. Pikachu on any old TV, but if I am a true Christian I’ll put my money down on a 52’inch Plasma LCD TV. After all Jesus himself said to “render unto Caesar what is Caesars” and if I’m not mistaken the Man does print the money, so I’m just doing my part.

All those stories of 83-year-old women spitting on store clerks is merely a smear campaign against this hallowed tradition. If you really read those stories, you’d probably find that the woman only sneezed. Make no mistake my friends, these people will look for any reason to take away this truly wondrous day from us. This is a day when every man, woman and child (i.e. North America) can put aside their differences and be united in camaraderie and true Christian principles. Because honestly, when I do my shopping on this wonderful day, I walk gleefully with basket in hand and a cattle prod in the other and hum my favorite Christmas tunes. It is by far the closest thing to a religious experience I’ve ever had.

Next year, when beautiful Black Friday rolls around the corner, don’t fear, take heart, grab your Visa or MasterCard and head to the nearest mall, because only with each other can we fight this injustice of anti-shoppingism that threatens our way of life, indeed our very life’s blood. So remember, buy nothing? No way José, buy everything! Not because I say so, but because you know in your heart, mind, body and soul that it’s the right thing to do.