Dear Mars’ Love,

This is my last semester at TWU, and I still don’t have a girlfriend. You’d think that after three and a half years, I would have bumped into some cute blond in the library. All my friends are dating, some even engaged to be married this summer. Suddenly I feel like the relationship turtle, taking the rejection path one sloth step at a time.

Signed,

Last Place

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Dear Last Place,

Once upon a time there was a very beautiful girl that two very different boys liked. One of the boys was dashing and athletic; all of the girls swooned when he walked by. And his name was Mr. Charming.

The other boy was the opposite, shy and studious, none of the girls liked him. And his name was Mr. Geek.

In this story, Mr. Geek and Mr. Charming are both in love with Jolie – the most beautiful girl in TaleTown. Though Mr. Charming knows that he will win Jolie’s heart, he is troubled by Mr. Geek’s hopeless attempts to interfere. To settle the problem once and for all, Mr. Charming sets up a tournament in which the two boys would have two weeks to win Jolie’s love. The loser would have to step aside and the winner would forever rejoice in his triumphant win.
Mr. Charming does very well for the first week; he takes Jolie out for expensive dinners and buys her the reddest of roses. Mr. Geek, on the other hand, is too shy to take Jolie out, so he writes her poems instead.

But by the second week, Mr. Charming stops taking Jolie out as often; he truly believes that he has won her heart. While Mr. Charming revels in his soon-coming win, Mr. Geek continues to send Jolie poetry every day.
By the end of the two weeks, the boys stand on the platform in TaleTown, waiting for Jolie to choose the winner. To Mr. Charming’s utmost surprise, Mr. Geek is chosen.

The moral of the story? – Slow and steady wins the race!

Aesop