Mars’ Love

Posted by admin on Dec 3, 2008 in Issues & Ideas | 0 comments

Dearest Mars’ Love,
So there’s this guy who wants to date me, but I’m just not into him. I am, however, into his friend. How do I let the guy down without destroying my chances?
– Foxy in Fraser 

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O Vulpine Vixen,

I would say that your artful machinations of the heart and calculations of relations (and, for that matter, those of your philosophical compatriots) are laudable, are what give the dating scene around here its really good name, and are why we should erect a monument in your honour – you, triumphantly standing over a chest-sundered man, a beating heart in your hand. However, your delusions of going steady with me just kills it. Can’t you see we’ve got too much in common? I’ve actually been playing you. The truth is that I knew you were into me, so I put him onto you. Yes, I know: he’s not the brightest light and his ideals wreck the whole game of love for you. But I was hoping to teach you some pragmatism.

Seriously – think of the ratio at this school. Pair up everyone, and half your gender is left without partners to exploit, err ahem, date. Factor in the fact that half the eligible men around here are hitched by age 20, and things look even worse for you.

So why not try him on for size? It’s not like you have to marry him: unwritten rules just aren’t enforceable like that. Just be careful he doesn’t alter the fine print when you sign the couple agreement and you’re golden. Then you can use him however you like. Then, when you can finally admit that I’m not into you, go break his heart and part with an easy mind, knowing there will be no residual legal complications.

In any event, always remember that relationships are just meant to be calculated like that. Steel yourself: under no circumstances should you look at the poor guy as just another human soul like you yearning for love and fulfillment, but just yearning a little too ineptly, a little too optimistically, and a little too kindly to be in your league. 

Sincerely not yours,

Apollo

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Dear Reader,

You’ve actually posed two questions; thus, I will attempt to answer each individually. So firstly, the interested fellow: making it clear that you are not interested in that sort of relationship is solution number one. Leading someone on, whether inadvertently or not, is never a means to an end and you’ll most likely save yourself a great deal of trouble by talking it over. Of course, no one enjoys those sorts of conversations (important note: Facebook wall posts are probably the worst way to handle these problems). However, they are a fact of life in the Christian university community. This course of action is usually reserved for friends, so if you are attempting to save the friendship, then this is the best way (albeit, the hardest) to resolve or at least salve the situation.

Second: you are interested in his friend instead. This of course is your prerogative – attraction happens all the time – and him being a friend of the boy who harbours feelings for you should not preclude your pursuit (if that is your intent). However, I would recommend not revealing your interest to the boy who likes you immediately following any sort of DTR. It’s just tacky and will probably end up destroying any sort of chance you may have with the other boy. So, I recommend this: bide your time, smooth things over and don’t react too quickly. Because after all, you aren’t responsible if someone has feelings for you, only responsible for your response. In the end, if this other fellow has any maturity he’ll handle it just fine and move on, but you have to make the first move.

Best of luck,

Aphrodite

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