The top 10 perks of being a Christian


Posted by admin on Mar 23, 2010 in Issues & Ideas | 0 comments

10. Cool bling! Especially if you’re of the liturgical variety: embossed breviaries, pocket bibles, rosaries, medals, and purity rings. Accessorizing is fun and aids in growing in holiness when you’re a Christian.

9. You don’t have to worry about finding and spending money on a good book to read: the Bible comes complete with whatever you’re looking for: philosophy (Ecclesiastes), poetry (Psalms), advice on any manner of issues (Proverbs, Pauline Epistles), comedy (Jonah), tragedy (Job), romance (Song of Solomon), adventure (Tobit, if you’re into the Septuagint), apocalyptic literature (Revelations, Daniel), math (Numbers), history (The Pentateuch), and you are always guaranteed a happy ending.

8. Flannelgraph! As writer John Fischer says: “flannelgraph may very well be the closest thing to a strictly evangelical art form.” Rock on, Sunday school and visual learning.

7. DC Talk and Thousand Foot Krutch. Christian Rock never involved biting the heads off of flying rodents or throwing goats (proverbial or not). We keep it clean and hardcore. Throw up your Rawkfist!

6. C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien gave a whole new meaning to the idea of a Gentlemen’s Club. What good Christian lady could object to her significant other smoking and drinking with them on a Friday night?

5. Only having one god makes it easier on forgetful people like myself. Not having to worry about pleasing multiple gods takes loads of pressure off communicating with the divine.

4. If a professor calls on you in class at TWU or Bible School, in most cases you can legitimately justify answering ‘Jesus’ if you’re not paying attention, just like in the good ol’ flannelgraph days.

3. You never have to have an answer to the question: “What are you going to do with your life?” because “It’s in God’s hands.”

2. Christian women of the world, rejoice! Most churches are packed with gurgling, fat babies and men who are actually looking forward to marriage.

1. Heaven: because rotting and maggots is a terrible end to a story and Jesus will be waiting with open arms and a mansion in your name. Party on!