Raymond vs. the Ents
November 21, 2006
Will Graham
You may have noticed some peculiar events during the morning of Tuesday, Nov. 7. Maybe the large, scattered chunks of tree trunk raised some questions in your mind. Perhaps wild theories danced through your head as to how those chunks ended up littering our fine campus. Could it be that renegade woodsmen are running freely through the back 40? Is TWU stocking up on firewood in case of an extended power outage (as if that will ever happen)?
Well Uncle Will is here to put all those silly theories to rest. After all, I wouldn’t want your imaginations running away with you. There’s a very simple explanation as to how it all went down.
Last Tuesday, our hallowed campus was attacked by Ents. Luckily, our prestigious President Jonathan Raymond defended TWU with all his might. In fact, Raymond killed those stupid Ents.
According to several eyewitnesses, Raymond took on the deadly army single-handed. With quick, deft moves, Raymond felled tree after mighty tree. His weapon of choice was a sword, but on occasion he switched to hand-to-hand combat. Yes, on that day the Ents received a healthy dose of justice.
I’m sure that most of you are as nerdy as I am, but I will explain to you the significance of this occurrence anyways. For those not in the know, an Ent is a giant living tree-man. They range from gigantic to really stinking big, and they talk like a 180-year-old history professor with gum in his mouth.
For a good example of the might and fury of a band of angry Ents, you should pick up a copy of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. They throw boulders, they pull buildings apart, they, well, that’s all they do really. But imagine what they would have done to TWU! Goodbye bell tower, see you later Strombeck, ciao Cognoscenti!
Don’t believe me? Well my dad happens to be an Ent (a good one, of course) so you can take it up with him. As for me, I am simply thanking my lucky stars that we have a protector like Raymond.
Now you go...
One Response to “Raymond vs. the Ents”
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Wow… that Raymond is tough.
Question though… did he have to slaughter the Ents? Could he not have utilized their amazing powers for things like construction projects, gutter cleaning and flag pole duty?
Just a thought for next time.