Fresh to death
So there I was, sitting on my bed reminiscing on my freshmen adventures at Trinity Western University.
It had been a crazy few months, full of lots of adjustments and insanity. I have learned a lot and decided to harness this knowledge for the good of my fellow first years. Thus, I came up with a few helpful pointers on how to survive the rest of freshman year.
Number one strei-fan
There are very few things in this life that I am deeply committed to, and albeit obsessed with, more than the infamous and insatiable Barbra Streisand (pause for awkward laugh, eye roll, or confused expression).
It is a love that very few in this generation truly understand or appreciate, one for which I am teased about on a regular basis, and yet my devotion to her never waivers.
Croc your world
The latest ‘feat’ in shoe technology
Never has there been such a polarizing form of footwear as the all-weather slippers known as Crocs. In any color, and on any person, they are a truly repulsive fashion choice. The only occasion in which they are not out of place is 2am at 7-Eleven during a Cheetos run. They make your feet sweat. They squeak. And they inform others that you have completely given up on your appearance.
How to find a date in six majors
Do you ever find yourself t h i n k i n g , “Gee, I sure want to find a hot date on campus, but I just don’t have any idea of where to look!” Well have no fear because the Humor Section Editor is here. Below I have provided a list of popular majors for both girls and guys to peruse and find what suits your fancy while also helping you to figure out what best to avoid. This is a brilliant method of hunting down a cuddle buddy and studies have shown that 60% of the time it works every time. Okay to be honest this is not a foolproof way to find “the one” and yes despite my mother’s best efforts I am still single (ie: living the dream) so this method hasn’t necessarily worked for me, but whatever. As with most things in this section you should just take this column for what it is: a light satire on Trinity Western University stereotypes that we know are probably true in most cases. So just read through it carefully, jot down some notes and thank me later if this all works out for you.
Freshman DOs and DON’Ts
1. THE CAFETERIA:
The cafeteria conveniently provides plastic trays in a lovely hunter-green shade. They are never used, and frankly it’s frowned upon if you do for some reason. I consider them to be one of the most convenient and unappreciated devices on campus- who wouldn’t want to stack their goods daintily on a rectangle dream? If you use a tray, it makes it a lot easier to act out a scene from some teenage drama where they serve “mystery meat” and coleslaw. You should all try it out. And also quickly while we’re on the subject of faux pas, just know with great certainty that sooner or later you will either slip and fall on the cafeteria floors or break a dish or perhaps both. Accept it, take a bow and move on.
Meet your 2017/2018 Mars' Hill team. https://t.co/lc8J9HdhqX
Our Mars' Hill alum, Sarah Wright (sarahwr1ght) (visual editor, 16-17), has been nominated for… instagram.com/p/BY_hpC0gfPP/
Trinity Western! If you love taking photos and know your way around photo shop, we want you to… instagram.com/p/BYpS8T9A9IV/
We are so excited to see you tomorrow! Stop by our tent at The Junction to say hello, win cool… instagram.com/p/BYhdTBDAICl/
We are under construction! See you all in the fall. instagram.com/p/BVVVMneAV1B/