Dictator Key Chain

Ever forget about that tyrant Herod and the darker side of Christmas? Now you can carry your very own reminder of what it would be like to live under Herod’s reign – but instead of Herod we’ve replaced him with the modern day dictator of your choice!

Price: Two small countries or Alsace-Lorraine
Also available: Hitler, Lenin and Kim Il-Sung

Festive Toaster

This festive toaster is a steal. Ever felt disappointed that you couldn’t roast chestnuts by the fire? Now you can toast bread instead! Not only will this save you from potentially setting yourself on fire, it will add pizzazz to everyday bread and butter. This gift will butter up your significant other and provide instant Christmas cheer.

Price: One fire alarm at Fraser

Tattoo Sleeve

Is there an aspiring punk rocker in your life? Do they idolize the likes of Sum 41 as legitmate bad-ass rockers, but are afraid to enter a real tattoo shop? Now you can make them feel hardcore and safe! Purchase this arm sleeve tattoo and you too can give the gift of inauthentic rebel status.

Price: Parental approval

Jonathan Raymond Bobblehead

There’s no better way to maintain school spirit than to have your very own President Raymond bobble-head! Perfect for your desk or your car, you can now spread university cheer with this symbol of academic hope now available. All proceeds will be generously donated to those still experiencing anxiety concerning the future price of education at TWU.

Price: one year’s tuition

Personal Hygiene Assistant

Ever been frustrated by drippy nostrils whenever you step outside into the frosty winter air? Suffer no more! Not only does this state of the art nose-blower provide a convenient way to deal with that seasonal runny nose, but it also makes a fabulous fashion statement. You can even add earmuffs for warmth!

Price: One flu shot followed by one week of the flu
Also Available In: Double-ply

Travel Companion

Are you frustrated by watching all those gleeful carloads of commuters in the HOV lane pass you by? Glare with envy no longer! Not only will this swank business exec make you lonely and single commuters look cool, you’ll have an instant all-access pass to that coveted HOV lane. This trusty friend is not just for looks – he can also serve as a tobaggan in case your car breaks down on top of a snowy hill!

Price: Two traffic violations and one impounded vehicle

Box of Nothing

Do you think that Christmas is a celebration of nihilism with the people you hate? Can’t think of a good gift idea to personify that idea? Give the joyous gift of nothing! Reveal how you really think about Christmas with this box of nothingness disguised as a cheery present. Not only will they think that you actually put effort into wrapping this gift, but the chosen reciever will feel overwhelmed with gratitude that you considered them worthy of sharing your Christmas despair.

Price: One lifetime of angst and worry
Available in: beige, grey, off-white and neutral

It has come to the attention of the two authors of this article that the iconic symbol of Christmas spirit – namely one “Santa Claus” – is in violation of an alarming number of legal precedents, which in many cases merit criminal proceedings.

It is not our express desire to dampen the Christmas spirit; however, if this character “Santa Claus” is actually real, every parent should take necessary action to ensure the safety of their loved ones this holiday season.

We would like to encourage all law-abiding citizens to re-think their “cookies and milk” approach to one “Santa Claus.” Rather, we recommend that they consider the use of primitive devices such as bear-traps, shot-guns, and various explosives to repel this notorious criminal.

“Santa Claus” has been rumoured to be “at-large” in various communities around the globe. He goes by various aliases such as: Kris Kringle, St. Nicholas and Father Christmas, amongst other names. His presence has been noted in various shopping centres during the month of December; there is speculation that he is known to entice vulnerable children.

As law-abiding citizens we feel that it is our duty to make known the criminal violations this “Santa Claus” is engaging in both present and past. Outlined below is a comprehensive list of infringements which are under investigation:

1. Violation of Protected Airspace – The Canadian Ministry of Transport has a few questions regarding air-travel, via an endangered species, for the purpose of commercial usage without authorization.

2. Arctic Sovereignty – Despite the extensive infrastructure in place as a result of one “Santa Claus’s” operation, squatting on sovereign Canadian soil is strictly prohibited and shall be met with forceful eviction.

3. Environmental Degradation – The usage of coal, for the express purpose of distribution to “naughty” children is considered highly damaging to both the environment and the overall wellbeing of the children in question.

4. Trademark Violation – Unauthorized reproduction for the sole purpose of distribution is in violation of the 1994 World Trade Organization Agreement on Trade-Related Aspects of Intellectual Property Rights.

5. Home Invasion – Unlawful entry into the private residence of any Canadian citizen is an indictable offence, punishable as specified in the Canadian Criminal Code.

6. Driving Under the Influence – The usage of the terminology “Jolly old St. Nick” brings into question the source of one “Santa Claus’s” alleged jolliness; RCMP officials refuse to comment on roof-top breathalyser testing.

7. Property Destruction – Structural Engineers have raised questions about the effects of landing a load-bearing sleigh, and several medium sized mammals on roofs. Provisions in the legal code have express terms for the destruction of personal property.

8. Questionable Financial Practices -

• I. The Canadian Revenue Agency should perform an audit, which may result in retroactive tax payments subject to compounding interest.
• II. The forecasting ability of one “Santa Claus” brings into question the possibility of insider trading in the manufactured toy industry.

9. Fire Code Violations – Obstructing the path of an open flame, namely in the form of a chimney, greatly increases the risk of uncontrollable fire. This summary offence shall be dealt with accordingly by the appropriate fire-marshalls.

10. Exploitation of a Minority – As one “Santa Claus” is allegedly utilizing a minority people group classified as “elves,” human rights violation officials should investigate the nature of employment and living conditions.

11. Employment Practices – As the alleged owner of a toy manufacturing corporation, one “Santa Claus” is expected to observe employment practices that are in conjunction with the employment code of Canada, specifically in the areas of minimum wage, statutory holiday pay and the ability of the workforce to unionize at their discretion.

12. Health Risk – Although a minor infraction, one “Santa Claus” does a grave injustice to Canadian children by encouraging food handling practices which run contrary to food-safe provisions, specifically dealing with perishable items such as milk.

13. Suspected Abuse of Animals – Commonly accepted folklore tells of one reindeer having a “red-nose.” Considering the effects of inebriation, one naturally questions the root cause of Rudolph’s apparent “red-nose.”

In conclusion, if one “Santa Claus” is indeed in existence, authorities on all levels should pursue appropriate action to ensure that the aforementioned concerns are addressed.

Additionally it pains us to have to discuss one “Santa Claus’s” violation of the cardinal virtue of the Separation of Church and State in our modern liberal democracy. As is common knowledge “Santa Claus” has been compiling an active list of all children with the intent to deem them either “naughty” or “nice.” How therefore does one “Santa Claus” determine the nature of “naughty” and “nice”? Categorizing citizens by personal factors falls under governmental jurisdiction – this act of compartmentalizing the child’s person is clearly shows an infraction against moral relativism to the utmost degree, thus violating in principle the concept of Separation of Church and State.

The fact that “Santa” is an anagram for Satan, although alarming is not the most disturbing point of issue we take with one “Santa Claus.” Obviously the most disturbing piece of evidence as to why “Santa Claus” should be incarcerated is voiced in a common children’s song, “He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!” Need we say more?

All that being said, we do appreciate that his uniform is constructed of choice colours allowing for optimal visibility in a dark environment; this will make it easier for the SWAT teams to find him come Dec. 25. If he does exist this may be an appropriate time for all “Santa” supporters to say their goodbyes, as we feel a hefty life-sentence coming to town this season.

Increasingly, aid effectiveness has become a major plank in the platform of international development reform, to the extent where Canada is now at the stage where it is ready to reform significantly the number of bilateral aid programs under CIDA’s purview. Still, this idea is not originally Conservative, but a continuation of a policy originally outlined in CIDA’s 2002 policy document. While some of this is understandable, the new regime has yet to put forward a more comprehensive policy on aid. Perhaps in order to more properly conduct foreign policy, Canada’s political representatives should give more attention to past policy statements as they conduct Canada’s vision through legislation.

CIDA noted as far back as 2002 that “Canada has consistently been the least concentrated of all the donor countries of the Development Assistance Committee.” It is clear that, although there were domestic distractions at the time, there was no particular reason why the Chrétien government was forced to neglect this part of government that they had declared as a “priority.” What became increasingly clear during the later years of the Chrétien regime and during the Martin regime was that the Canadian Government had too many priorities, especially in the areas of foreign aid.

In the International Policy Statement on Development in 2005, the Canadian Government pledged to “wind down bilateral assistance programs.” By focusing Canada’s foreign aid in “development partners,” Canada aimed to solidify Canadian influence in countries where Canada had significant national interests. However, with the change in government, a new set of priorities was put in place.

Under Stephen Harper’s first campaign, foreign aid, while mentioned, was put much further back on the priority list than it had been under the Martin Government. Indeed, it was questionable what Harper was intending to do here, given his intention to focus more on Canada-US relations than past Prime Ministers. The Conservative party, perhaps in a more assertive way than other political movements, has had a strong interest in integrating trade, foreign relations, and Official Development Assistance. In Harper’s second year, a feeling of a more focused approach has become apparent. Starting with the trip to Latin America in the summer of 2007, Harper’s true intentions have become increasingly visible.

In remarks to the people of Chile, Harper outlined the changing priorities of Canada in the Western Hemisphere. “Canada’s new government has made clear that re-engagement in its hemisphere is a critical international priority for our country.” Taking a page from the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, Canada is cutting back on assistance to other countries as it seeks to preserve Canada’s perception of equality and neutrality among partner nations on both sides of the bilateral equation. In a recent Globe and Mail article profiling the coming changes it was noted that “Foreign aid groups admit that the Canadian International Development Agency needs reform and that a concentration on fewer countries may be desirable.”

Canada’s new foreign aid program may be a departure from what Canada is used to, but certainly it is healthy to take a good look at the program as it stands. Harper finally appears ready to act with this program and such a shakeup can only be healthy for the concept of foreign aid.

Mason Judy
The question of buying is not one that bothers me. I know that I love my family and that I could easily give them nothing without any negative repercussions. I would rather bless them with a gift than spend my money on myself. The past couple of Christmases, I have attempted to get gifts that are all ethically manufactured and distributed. While this is a broad and increasingly ambiguous designation, I have tried to do my best. Shopping second hand and buying used media has been my primary method. It is a good way to find unique and interesting gifts while also supporting organizations that use the money positively. I have never bought wrapping paper; although this may be “old news” (pun intended) old boxes and newspapers work just as well. Throughout my childhood, my family celebrated St. Nicholas Day on Dec. 6. On occasion we would go around to various people’s houses who my parents knew were in need and leave gifts on their doorstep. Christmas giving can be a benevolent blessing or a stressful burden and in the end it seems doing what is both sincere and ethically responsible is what is important.

Wes Armstrong
For several years I found myself having a rather pessimistic attitude towards the stressful nightmare that Christmas has become. I kept asking myself the question: “Why should I worry so much about finding the right gifts to give to people who have more stuff than they need and enough money to get whatever they want?” So I stopped. I told my friends and family that I didn’t want or need any stuff for Christmas anymore, and that they wouldn’t be getting any from me. Instead, the resources that I would normally be putting into gifts for them would be going towards people who actually needed it. On Christmas, my friends and family received cards that outlined who was benefitted on their behalf. Water purification projects in rural Africa, emergency food supplies for war torn countries, gardening supplies for villages; the opportunities were many and wide. And for anyone who really wanted to get something for me, I told them to do something similar. I understand that there is definitely still something to be said about giving someone something that they actually need, or giving them something small just out of appreciation for them, but I feel that the majority of Christmas gift exchanging is just done because it is expected of them and they don’t know of a better alternative. Also, I’m still a big fan of old fashioned acts of service and manual labor as gift alternatives. Because when it comes down to it, some people really would get more use out of a helping hand than a new tie.

Krista West
For me, Christmas has been on overhaul the last few years. When I was first challenged with the ideals of “buy nothing Christmas” it came to me as a flash of freedom from the chains of consumerism. It was soon afterwards that I began to put on a new set of chains: the chains of simplicity. I found myself stressing about what I was going to make for my family, because whether buying something or not, Christmas is still about giving and communicating love. But when I really understood the heart behind the concept, I was freed by it. This Christmas, I’ll be knitting a few things for my Mom and sister, painting a few things for my Dad and brother, but most importantly making my own Christmas cards. Making Christmas cards allows me to give the gift of my time, as well as a special message to the people I care about; all while keeping things simple and within my limited budget. Simplifying Christmas opens up the holiday to the things that are important to me – love, peace and relationship. Sometimes the idea of simplifying Christmas can be overwhelming, but that isn’t the point. Do what you can and resist the temptation to get caught up in the distraction and disillusionment of a Christmas powered by the craving for things. May your Christmas be full of the simple, yet powerful, peace of the season.

Kevin Dyck
“They’re outrageous!”

Steph Wierenga
“As long as the quality matches the price, I’ll pay.”

Jacob Jorgensen
“Should be cheaper…”

Nico Dunning
“They’re bunk! But what can you do?”

Ollie Start
“They’re over the top and a bit pricey.”

MH: Describe the first moment that you realized that basketball was your game.

Katie: The first time I knew basketball was my game, I was about three. My parents bought me a Fisher Price basketball hoop and it became my best friend!

MH: What’s the most you have ever spent on anything relating to basketball?

Katie: The most I have ever spent on anything related to basketball was a pair of Jordans for my grade 12 year. They were $130.

MH: Your team managed just six wins last year, yet just ten games into this season has already eclipsed that mark. What gives?

Katie: We are a new team and we believe we can win. We have the talent to be a top team and are beginning to prove it. We came into the season as underdogs with nothing to lose and are loving that role.

MH: Who is the most entertaining Spartans Women’s Basketball player?

Katie: All the girls are pretty entertaining at some point or another. But overall I’d have to say Emily Knauff. She re-enacts what people say and do in a way that makes everyone laugh. Spend five minutes with her and you’ll know what I mean!

MH: What was the most embarrassing thing you have seen or been a part of during a game?

Katie: During a game I played in grade seven, I was at the free throw line. The referee threw me the ball. I took two dribbles, and on the third I bounced it off my foot and it rolled to the corner of the gym. Doesn’t sound too bad right? Well it wasn’t until my mom yelled from the crowd, (in the already quiet gym): “Take off the skis, Haworth!” Mortifying, absolutely mortifying. It’s not my fault I was an awkward thirteen year old with feet too big for my gangly body.

Mel Gibson plays the roll of Graham Hess – a fallen away priest who is struggling with the reality of his wife’s death, along with his younger brother Merrill, his son Morgan (Culkin) and his daughter Bo (Breslin). The viewer is shown flashbacks of Graham confronting his wife Colleen (Patrica Kalember) as she is pinned between a tree and a Suburban during the last moments of her life. As Graham and Colleen spend their final moments together, Colleen passes away in mid-sentence.

After his wife’s tragic death, Gibson’s character loses all of his faith and completely abandons God. He removes all Christian paraphernalia from his home, ceases to say grace with his family before daily meals, and no longer wears his clerical collar. At times, Graham Hess even seems to show relentless hate towards the Heavenly Father. The loss of faith in Gibson’s character, and the aftereffects that lead up to his realization of God’s divine providence single-handedly elevates Signs to a powerful piece of cinema. In Signs, viewers are given the opportunity to engage the divine providence of Jesus Christ in Gibson’s trials and tribulations throughout the duration of the film.

Not only is Signs a dazzling white-knuckler about a family’s last moments of life before a worldwide extraterrestrial invasion, it contains profound religious significance. Signs causes us to ask ourselves: “Is it possible that there are no coincidences?” It reminds us that there are times in our life that make absolutely no sense at all. Sometimes these happenings are tragic, and may indeed cause us to suffer and to question the very roots that make us up as individuals. By the films end, we are reminded that every single one of these events in our lives happens for a profoundly significant reason.

These elements and many more were all part of last weekend’s “Spirit of Christmas” celebration, part of the township-wide “Christmas in the Valley.” Like last year, the university campus welcomed guests from the greater community to enjoy free music, Christmas activities, and festive decorations. Over 10,000 people attended the event.

All funds raised by the event, through donation buckets and other means, went to the Salvation Army.

Here are some of the highlights of the weekend:

Living nativity
Approximately 40 guests gathered around the snow-covered RNT parking lot for the beginning of the Living Nativity, a humour-filled guided tour telling the Christmas story.
This was one of 39 student-acted tours that took place throughout the three-day event.
The tour guide, depicted as the angel Gabriel “from the future,” led the guests to various stations. The first stop was to Zacharias, telling of the prophesied birth of John the Baptist. Next up was the angel’s visitation to Mary and Joseph announcing her pregnancy with Jesus; the couple then made their way to the census on a motorcycle. Third, Herod’s visit from the three Wise Men, or “Wisies,” decked out in yellow jump suits. Following that, the guide gave a brief review of the past stations and then proclaimed the Good News from Luke 2:10-12. The crowd of guests then traveled to the manger scene, where Mary sang an a cappella version of “Oh Holy Night,” followed by the whole cast closing with “What Child Is This?” The tour ended at a petting zoo, while Gabriel noted, “His ending was our beginning, but that’s another story.”

Christmas tree contest winners
Seventeen ornately decorated trees graced the hall between the Cafeteria and the Atrium for this year’s Christmas Tree Contest, but only three groups’ trees took the prizes. Winners are as follows:

• University Communications won “Best Representation of a Group Tree”
• Department of Biology/Biotechnology won “Most Creative Tree”
• Site Lines Architecture won “Most Beautiful Tree”

Farm sells trees for charity
New to the festivities this year was the addition of tree sales from the Oh Christmas Tree Farm, located minutes from TWU in Milner. The farm sold trees not just for the holidays, but also for charity, giving five dollars of every sale to the Salvation Army. Proceeds will help to build the new homeless shelter set to be constructed next year.

“It’s good exposure for us and a good cause,” said Oh Christmas Tree Farms’ Richard Davies.
Set up in the parking lot accompanied by two heat lamps, Davies and Matt Pommier worked the Spirit of Christmas all three nights of the event.

Little Baby Jesus’ Christmas Adventure Village
Another new addition to Spirit of Christmas last weekend was the TWU Student Association’s contribution called “Little Baby Jesus’ Christmas Adventure Village.”

Set up in the gym, guests were invited to make gingerbread houses, Christmas cards and wreaths, sip hot apple cider, all while being serenaded by acoustic musical guests such as Simon Hoskyn and Jordan T. West.

Group photos with Caesar, an angel, various magi and other Christmas celebrities were also available at the event.

Though she enjoyed the event, Rosie Scott, TWU Alumnus who came back to experience the Christmas celebration, was disappointed that “there was no baby Jesus. Where was the baby Jesus?” She added, “Instead, I had to settle for Caesar.”

At this point, Christians tend to pipe in with their diagnosis of the problem: people have forgotten “the reason for the season,” and set themselves up for disappointment by making it about presents or parties, by hoping in things that will never satisfy. An article appearing in Faith Today (Nov/Dec 2003) titled “Seizing Christmas” recounts the ways various Christian leaders try to take back Christmas:; “to protect their celebrations from the intrusion of busyness and materialism” so that the holiday could instead be an invitation “to kneel and be refreshed by the baby in the manger.” If we could just remember the “Christ in Christmas,” take time to be with loved ones, to be grateful for what we have then somehow we could recover, and proclaim, the seasonally appropriate joy.

However, despite valiant efforts to focus on “the reason for the season,” there are those who do not find themselves refreshed by it. For some, Christmas only brings to mind grief and loss: divorce, lost loved ones, a lack of family and friends or a nagging sense of loneliness and alienation in the midst of them. There are also many Christians unable to link their sadness to any such concrete explanations. They feel immensely blessed, and grateful for these blessings, yet they cannot seem to shake the lingering sense of being tired and unsatisfied.

There is guilt too, because surely we, of all people, should be bubbling over with gratitude. Surely we should be able to sing Isaac Watts’ “Joy to the World” with integrity and confidence since we believe that the Lord is come. Instead, we feel sad, muddled and anxious. We are frustrated by our inability to live the transformed lives we believe the Incarnation made possible, or to feel the joy we think ought to accompany it.

Yet, I think that some sense of sadness, disappointment and longing are entirely in keeping with the season, and for the Christian most of all. Personally, the disappointment that is pressed near at Christmas does not prompt me to seize it back from its secular usurpers, commerce and busyness. Instead, I remember that I’m not meant to be entirely satisfied. At least, not yet. Advent is not merely a remembrance of Christ’s coming but a longing for his return. Which is why it has traditionally been a season of fasting in the Christian church. There is something worshipful in that we are still hungering. We need not despair or obsessively analyze our “inexplicable” sense of disappointment. In fact, nothing could be more appropriate. The disappointment is a reminder that we are still waiting.

Celebrating the season does not require our whole-hearted assent to the declaration of “Merry Christmas!” The Advent season is about the freedom to acknowledge that all is not yet as it should be, the deep longing of “Maranatha – Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.”

At the helm of this production is Robert Zemeckis, the director of Forest Gump and Back to the Future. With this film, he has further developed the Computer Generated Images (CGI) technobabble that brought us the Polar Express. The use of motion capture has improved on this second attempt, but still has some distance to go. The characters, locations and action sequences look amazing, but the realism and feel of it still has work to be done. It is, however, a visual spectacle unto itself.

The performance by Ray Winestone stands out from the rest of this all-star cast. While in real-life he is a 50-year-old man with a gut, that doesn’t stop him from looking and acting in a manner befitting someone in their 20s. He delivers his lines with ferocity and a calm demeanor at the same time. Also standing out is Crispin Glover as Grendel, while he looks unrecognizable, it’s interesting to watch him and the way he makes you almost sympathize with him rather than fear and loathe him.

Overall, I’d give this film 3 geese out of 4. It is a good movie, visually appealing, with fairly good performances, and Angelina Jolie – for those who are interested. While I liked the film, I found it oddly comedic at times. However, I feel this can be attributed to the persons seated next to me who would become noticeably frightened during certain moments. However, they made the movie experience worth the $11 ticket. If you are a fan of the book or the visual style, or just want a decent flick to go see, pick up this bad boy and enjoy yourself.