Your life, not as you know it

Posted by admin on Mar 29, 2011 in Sports | 0 comments

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like at Trinity Western University if the school had more CIS sports teams? For some of us, a sport allows our identities to take form and dictate the people we hang out with and the events that shape our lives. Inspired by the idea of TWU offering more teams for students, I decided to alter the paths of certain individuals and play out their university lives.

Envision this scenario and let your imagination run wild. Trinity Western University hosts a variety of CIS sports teams as many of these now 4th years enter their freshman year.

Upon entering TWU, Arend Strikwerda, now a 4th year Biology major, naively walks into the gym due to curiosity and stumbles upon a set of badminton racquets. Strikwerda proceeds to knock over the entire set after severe negligence by the gym supervisor, who carelessly leaves them in a blindspot behind the gym doors. After immediately trying to pick the racquets up without being noticed, Strikwerda sees a similar racquet he used in high school and begins to smash some birdies over the net. Strikwerda joins the Spartans badminton team as a walk-on a month later and immediately drops his Biology major and joins the Complete Champion Approach program where he finishes his four years with a 2.3 GPA with a degree in Communications and one class short of a minor. Strikwerda never becomes friends with the likes of Toph Beach, Jon Gibson, and Colin McFarland and looses in the Canada West final, missing nationals by two points.

During the same year, an energetic, young woman named Chelsea Beyer enters TWU fresh off a sparkling high school career. Furious to disregard the stereotypical tall, blonde, and dumb comments that quickly greets her as she grows in acquaintances, Beyer finds a set of random golf clubs in the Back 40 and brings them to Third Field where she begins to swing away in anger. After instantly having success at hitting ball after ball, Beyer smashes four car windows, parked in the Douglas parking lot and also takes every opportunity to hit oncoming trains. After receiving academic probation for behavioral difficulties, Beyer joins the women’s CIS golf team at TWU and immediately buys 16 collared shirts and makes the cover of Canada Golf magazine as best dressed athlete in the country. Beyer goes on to have a difficult golf career at TWU, finishing with zero rounds under par in four years and being accused by her playing partner at the Cloverdale Spring Invitational of dumping her Strawberries and Cream Frapachino on wildlife after finishing a round of +22.

Bombers hockey captain, Curtis Hart? I’m sorry, who? The Curtis Hart I know doesn’t play hockey, he’s a wrestler and isn’t 123lbs. No, Hart who joined the CIS mixed wrestling team of a proud group of three athletes (all female) that were looking for championship glory in the CIS. Hart upped his caloric intake from 234 in the months of September and October to 3,500 the rest of his career, becoming a strong 6’1”, 213lb athlete who acquires the nickname of “Purely Justice” after dismantling the three female wrestlers on his team in one practice. Curtis goes on to represent TWU alone for the next year before his well-known physical flaw ends his career. Hart, who notoriously dislocates and fractures his own bones like none other, hangs up the tights after having his shoulder pop out in a recreational softball game.

It certainly is funny how sports shapes our lives. Write your own scenario on the Mars Hill website and uncover the true identiies of some of the people you know best at TWU.