I do not have ADD. I resent the very implication. I simply choose when and when not to pay attention. I have complete control over my imagination, and I can most certainly separate my daydreams from reality.

These were the thoughts rushing through my head as I sat in the Northwest auditorium, soaking in the knowledge and wisdom being offered by my professor. Yet like all things, my intense focus was temporary, and I began to drift. Moments later, I was riding with Jesus on my motorcycle. We were doing wheelies.

How did this happen? Okay, let’s follow Will’s wacky train of thought: first, the speaker mentioned Jesus’ love, placing a picture of our Lord and Saviour in my head. Meanwhile, I was playing with the keys to my newly purchased motorcycle. Before I knew it, the Son of God and I are ripping rubber up and down the freeway.

While I sincerely doubt that God disapproves of my new mode of transportation, I know that a lecture on New Testament theology and an active imagination do not mix well. So I am here to offer you a few classroom focus tips.

Hopefully my advice will lead you to a daydream-free semester. As for me, I have finally been able to answer the age-old question, what would Jesus do? – Jesus would do a wheelie.

1……….. Don’t buy a motorcycle

2……….. Find the most uncomfortable chair in the classroom. Compared to an hour of back spasms, the dry lecture will seem like sweet music.

3……….. Don’t sit by any pretty girls. (Quit staring at the back of her head! Ask her out for coffee and be done with it!)

4……….. Do not try to digest what you are learning on the spot, because it can be hard to keep up, and might lead to further daydreaming. Digest a hamburger instead.

5……….. You do not have a photographic memory. Batman does, you don’t. If you are Batman, you don’t have to take notes. Everyone else does.

6……….. Yes, maybe there is an ant crawling across the ceiling, but don’t follow it. It’s an ant! There are a hundred billion of them! Haven’t you ever seen one before? They’re all the same! This one was just stupid enough to get locked indoors! Why look at an extra-stupid ant? That’s stupid!