Hey there, Trinity Folk! I’m Pastor Ray Rennek and I am tickled pink to have moved to this here fine city. My purty wife and I come from Pensacola, Florida, but we came here because the heat makes me do things I ain’t so proud of.

Well, we moved in just ’round Christmas-time, and nachurly, I was excited like a baby boy. But I gotta tell y’all, this one couple down the street was actin’ mighty strange. Friends, they didn’t have a single ornament on their entire house!

The first day we got there, they approached us all squinty-eyed, like they couldn’t see straight, or somethin’. Then they handed us this welcome basket full o’ foreign lookin’ stuff. I ain’t exactly sure what it was cuz I threw it down and stomped on it pretty much right away. The Good Lord says always to be on your guard, friends, and I was sniffin’ Satan from a mile away. Then the husband-feller said the vilest thing I ever did hear. He said “Happy Holidays!”

Now, brothers and sisters, when someone says that to me, y’all gotta unnerstand somethin’. They might be sayin’ happy holidays with their lips, but all I hear is: “I worship Satan every night and he sleeps in my bed!”

My sweet brethren, what could I do? I could see I had my work laid out for me. I had to show them the love of our sweet Lord the best I knew how.

So I got me some extra Christmas lights and snuck onto their roof late at night. They was gonna have the speerit o’ Christmas whether they liked it or not! It didn’t take long puttin’ all them lights on their house, and lemme tell you, when I was done, it looked Saviour-iffic!

The next day, they noticed the lights, took ’em down, and tried to have a few words with me. I didn’t hear ’em so well, and they left when I told ’em my .22 wanted to have a few words with them. They said afterwards that I’d done some damage to their home. Well I just said, “So sue me!”

Well they actually did. It’s been about a month and I’m due in court next week. Please pray!

-Pastor Ray Rennek-