The Spaghetti Monster
Noodling into an argument near you
March 12, 2008
Ben Linkewich
Recently, I single-handedly attempted to bring Logic back into the Internet.
Yes, you can stop laughing, now. I was sincere! The quixotic quest began in a popular online forum, rife with fairly well-educated late-teens and twenty-somethings. I picked my target: a topic promisingly (in truth, sarcastically) entitled “Why Evolution is Stupid!” As expected, the battle lines were drawn: a motley assortment of Creationists versus an uneasy coalition of atheists and agnostics. A few attempted some sort of logical debate, which was good enough for me to charge in, guns blazing.
So, over the period of a few days, I wrote several responses: logically picking apart arguments, exposing faulty premises and correcting terrible abuses of science, all in a way that didn’t overstep the boundaries of science by making any religious or overtly philosophical claims. My rationale was that if what I said proved the death of materialism as they knew it, they would come up with that conclusion themselves if they were even slightly intellectually honest. Christianity is wonderful that way, for faith can only be contemplated by sincere and honest thought, and, considered aright, can only be strengthened by it.
What I didn’t expect was what I actually received: many responses, but a silence of thought. The only serious response I got to any post was from a fellow who quite seriously believes Earth is the centre of the Universe, which wasn’t precisely my target audience.
Apart from that, the most respectful reply was, “I can’t discuss religion without being sarcastic because the whole idea of imaginary friends doesn’t apply to me.” By far the best response – I always appreciate random comments – was being told to “tell that to your noodly master,” a reference to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, that wonderfully infamous creature.
Briefly, The Flying Spaghetti Monster was borne of an attempt to drown out consideration of Intelligent Design; the claim, ultimately effective, was that Intelligent Design theory was as valid as claiming the world was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. The FSM has since undergone a complete atheistic baptism, and is used satirically to shift the “burden of proof” for God from the sceptic to the believer. The “Pastafarian” claim has since degenerated into a method of sneering at anything that acknowledges transcendent truth or criticizes anything to do with materialism. Faith and religion is seen as a mental disease.
In any event, though both sides replied to me with posts of equal merit, the sacred invocation of said Spaghetti Monster spelled the end of my valiant quest to restore Logic to the Internet.
Both sides sneered at me, yet claimed victory.
G.K. Chesterton said, “It is generally the man who is not ready to argue, who is ready to sneer.” This sneering is a form of bullying, but it points to intellectual apathy. One symptom is that this complete faith in ones own objectivity comes with a softening of the mind, for this is the end of questioning. The end of questioning is the end of thinking, and those who do so become victims of “they say,” especially if it comes from a scientific source.
Neil Postman describes how he plays with his professorial colleagues of such tendencies: he states, “A new study out of Johns Hopkins has found” such preposterous things as “a link between jogging and IQ loss.” More often than not, he’ll find his colleagues culpable: the more prestigious the university, the better the results. Virtually no one questions the assumptions.
This is scary. Are we so gullible, that we are intimidated by ‘they say’ and don’t bother to think any more? This is bullying, much more insidious than physically getting the pulp beaten from you. Muscles, blood and bones regenerate, but if the pulp is beaten from your mind, what is left?
Thankfully, there is a cure. Bringing back questioning and a logical approach to thinking doesn’t require you to scale the heights of the syllogism or to brave the thin gruel of symbolic logic. All that it requires is a renewed commitment to intellectual honesty to slay the spirit of the Spaghetti Monster.
As Peter Kreeft said, “Be honest enough to change your mind if your opponent convinces you. Remember, no one loses a Socratic debate except ignorance, and no one wins except truth. If no one finds truth, both lose. If one finds it, both win.”
And while you’re at this wonderful quest, join me in my quest to bring Logic to the Internet. Let us unite in looking forward to the radiant and glorious future when a logical debate, in person or online, meets with an “I’d never thought about it that way.”
Now you go...
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