The tallest tree
November 21, 2006
Will Graham
In the early afternoon of Wednesday, Nov. 15, Trinity Western University lost one of its oldest and most revered icons. Actually, it lost half of one of its oldest and most revered icons.
This icon has gone by many names throughout its long tenure here. To student Iain Cook, it was known as Nemesis. You may know it as “that tree with the flag on it.” But personally, I have always known it by one name: the Tallest Tree.
Yes, the winds of change were blowing, and they sent at least a third of the Tallest Tree’s mighty body crashing to the earth below. Luckily, no students or faculty were smooshed by the falling debris.
Now before everyone jumps on the anti-tree bandwagon, I feel I should go over the history of the Tallest Tree and explain exactly what the noble spruce has done for us over the years.
Originally planted by John W. University, after whom Trinity Western University is named, the Tallest Tree was raised by, um, other trees. Despite growing up in a quiet Langley neighbourhood, the Tallest Tree soon felt compelled to contribute to the world at large.
The cunning coniferous spent several years as a spy in the USSR during the Cold War, relaying vital information back to North America right under Stalin’s nose. Once back in Canada, it ran for Prime Minister, because, of course, tallest means the best, but was narrowly defeated by Pierre Trudeau.
Soon after, the Tallest Tree enjoyed a brief stint with the NBA, where he became renowned for his bitter rivalry with Yao Ming. After an injury ended his season, the Tallest Tree retired, and has for the past few years operated a home for countless squirrels, hawks, crows, and crawly bugs.
Though the events of last Wednesday have perhaps ended the Tallest Tree’s career for good, I think one thing is clear: if a tree falls on TWU’s campus, will anybody care? Yes, yes we will.
Now you go...
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you forgot the part about how a bunch of engineers planted the flag on top of it